“Bad Boys” vs. “Nice Guys” … Who Wins in the End?
Hint: They’re Roles, Not People
Guys, if you ever want to repel someone, put on your best (worst) “nice guy” act. First, greet them in a loud voice, “Hey, why are you here?”
Then, act like the know-it-all who can “man-splain” anything with scantly a trace of vulnerability (imperfection). The results are pretty rapid, repelling humans in seconds.
Other the other hand, if you want to attract someone, act a little “bad,” with a vibe like, “We could sneak drinks.” Or, “We don’t have to play by the rules when we’re together.” Like you can laugh at the same inside jokes.
Careful, results here can be pretty rapid as well. Make sure the reaction doesn’t upend other aspects of your life before proceeding.
What’s Really Happening Here
Like everything, go back to kindergarten.
Following the rules and doing well on tests feels fulfilling but it never really was much fun. Who was actually having fun? The people getting in trouble, class clowns, girls passing candy, dudes sneaking in some game play.
Who can you trust? The people who might rebel with you, or keep a secret, or go on a wild adventure that “rational” people advise against.
The sweet life is the triumph of the soul over the status quo.
The soul is your real self, stripped of societal conditioning and fears.
So When To Be A Nice Guy?
Focus on being authentic instead.
And When To Be a Bad Boy?
Again, focus on authenticity.
The Real Deal: You Need Both to Win
The most appealing characters are bad-asses who do good. They’re rebels yet virtuous, like Indiana Jones, Dirty Harry, or Catniss Everdeen.
No need to try to be either “nice” or “bad.” Trying is the problem. Authenticity is the solution.
No woman wants a goody-two-shoes. Even a mother doesn’t want a son who’s wimpy, constantly contorting to fit into some mold he believes others want him in. “Toughen up,” she’d say.
Or better yet, “Just be yourself.”
On the same hand, no woman wants a total bad boy either, because he’ll take what he wants and leave ’em in the dust. Having momentary fun with his latest snack (couldn’t resist the gen z slang) is all that matters. Once the fun runs dry, he runs.
Again, “You be you.”
You gotta know when to play either role.
Just don’t try to plan ahead your roles. Instead, stay in the flow of each moment, then the roles will arise naturally.
Show both sides to get minds spinning.
“You’re killin’ me in those fire heels, girl. Come to me.” (Bad Boy)
“Sweet dreams, hope I’m in them.” (Nice Guy)
When visiting her family on a holiday, you’ll be the Nice Guy around her parents, and the Bad Boy later when you two sneak a midnight cocktail.
Women can already flip their good/bad sides more easily due to better communication between left and right brain hemispheres.
Most women already know about flipping roles, and a lot more than two. From my own experience, it’s guys who might get more stuck on one side or the other. I know I have.
It’s better to be a “dynamic” rather a “static” character. Dynamic means someone who can adapt and roll with the punches. They’re flexible and can switch between Nice Guy or Bad Boy seamlessly. They trust both sides.
On the other hand, a static character is flat and unchanging. They don’t bend in the wind, so they might break instead.
You can have your cake and eat it too.
You can have the best of both worlds, the win-win.
As someone now married for more than two decades and still in love, it’s partly because we play these roles with each other.
In the end, if you know how to navigate both sides fearlessly, you can enjoy this playground called Earth.
PS: The bad-ass with the pure heart wins… Stay salty!