The Mood
Deal Killers in Basic Attraction

Deal Killers in Basic Attraction

… You’re Too Popular On Social Media

We all hear “influencers” promise we’ll be hot if we buy the right product, do some routine or add something to our diet…

But no matter how “hot” someone is, negative qualities can still send others heading for the hills.

That’s because a huge factor in attraction is about what you don’t do.

My Mom once told me the secret to her 50-plus-year marriage to my father: they don’t annoy each other.

“I’m not loving you for what you are,
But for what you’re not,” – Bob Dylan

Of course, positive traits must first catch our attention and draw us in, but negative qualities can derail the whole thing. And they don’t need to. As you’ll see, these are all easy tweaks…

You’re too popular on social media.

Woman surrounded by social media, film and money icons.
Gerd Altmann

Some people are amazing at projecting an image of success and fulfillment on social media. Sometimes they do it so well, that others think they don’t need anyone or anything else so they leave them alone.

It’s kind of sad, because many of the people glorifying their social posts are doing it to try to attract people. They have no idea that the opposite is often happening if taken too far.

You expect people to like you out of the gate.

Nothing wrong with confidence, it’s essential for forming solid relationships. But if you think everyone’s going to naturally like you because you set your sites on them, think again. That comes off as cocky or arrogant, which creates a gut-level reflex in people to stay back.

The best attitude to have when meeting someone is, “I think this person is cool, I wonder what they’re all about?” In other words, you’re more interested in them than expecting them to be blown away by you.

It’s not what you put on, but what you give off.

Man with shades in nice suit.
Photo by Ahmadreza Najafi

You might think fancy clothes and a great haircut are all that matter. But you’re in for a rude awakening when it comes to finding a true partner. If you give off a bad vibe, nobody gives a crap what you’re wearing.

The best of both worlds is to dress nice and be suave, now that’s a combo!

Too much of anything turns on itself.

Makeup and cologne are great inventions, but what’s designed to make us more attractive backfires when we overdo it.

The word “cool” never goes out of style because it’s what we all want to be: detached, satisfied in our skin, accepting, ice-water in our veins at times others sweat.

But it’s hard to be cool if your face is overly caked in makeup like a clown or you reek like a chemical spill at the Brute cologne factory

Check with someone to see if you stink.

Our sense of smell is one of the most powerful tools of attraction. Before we could speak, we would sniff out our potential mates to see if we liked them.

Of course, pets still do this. But the hilarious part is, we still do too! We just don’t stick our face next to random people’s butts anymore, right?

The usual culprits are stinky under arms and bad breath (and sometimes feet).

For the under arms, just stick your nose down there and see if it stinks. If it does, simply rinse with soap and water.

Deodorants just cover up smells an may do more harm than good, meaning the actual scent may be as repelling as the B.O. itself.

If you can get some a subtle, natural deodorant, okay. But really, you just want to clean off that stinky sweat and let the pores breathe.

As for breath, there’s only one way you can find out if your breath truly stinks: Ask someone.

Do a deep breath for them as if trying to mist a mirror. Don’t be offended if they tell you it’s gross, thank them! Because it means many more people thought it but never told you. And, now you can fix it.

Study up on Google. And watch what you ingest. like alcohol, sugar, smoke anything that builds up bacteria in your mouth which turns into nasty breath.

Your entire health will improve with good breath, and will relationships.

As for feet, clean those suckers and in between the toes too. Switch out stanky footwear.

You’re too rigid in your views.

Comical picture of woman with boxing glove punching man in jaw.
Photo by Ryan McGuire.

People who are rigid in their opinions are usually rigid in other things, like what they eat and where they want to go and what movies they want to see and what parties they go to. It can get annoying in a relationship.

There used to be a great rule of etiquette that you don’t discuss religion and politics at the dinner table. It’s not that they aren’t important, is that they’re so important that they turn personal fast, which is the last thing we want to do in social settings.

In private, you can figure out when he potential mate where each other stands, just don’t try to push your views or judge. Just understand, find commonalities, blow their mind.

You don’t communicate properly (and you ghost).

People who fail to communicate when things get tricky are usually the ones who end up wondering where everyone went.

Guess what happens when you ghost others too much? You become like a ghost, howling around scaring people away … lonely.

You‘re too shy.

We all have a bit of shyness in us, but if we let rule our world then we miss out one of the purposes of life: meaningful interaction with others.

Don’t expect everyone to come to you, and then be insulted if they don’t.

Here’s a fascinating truth I found: say one simple word or phrase to someone randomly, and sometimes they’ll open up like a book.

Don’t be afraid to say the first word to someone you’re interested in. Just don’t attach any importance to it, let it fly and move on.

But if the person responds meaningfully, how great … and that could even lead to a friendship, or more. Either way, you lose nothing.

You’re too perfect.

Woman with red dress and blonde hair seeming bored and lonely.

It’s often the vulnerability in others that attracts us to them. If you have the perfect clothes and not a hair out of place and everything you say is proper and safe, you’re not really a human.

People are intimidated by others who seem too perfect. There’s always the story of a girl in school who was so Barbie-like, all the guys were afraid to ask her out.

This is real, let some imperfection show. Get salty.

“There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” — Leonard Cohen

You’re doing unnatural things to yourself.

You’re using a lot of chemicals on your skin, or ingesting strange concoctions that were birthed in a lab, or eating too much junk food. All those will zap attraction and can even do the opposite of what you were trying to acheive.

I know a story of a woman who tried so many facial products on herself, that her face is now scarred.

Go natural, it’s what our skin and the rest of our body has been used to for millions of years.

You don’t get out enough.

So common after all the pandemica we’ve experienced…

Being around people, talking and interacting in the presence of their aura, will make you look better, put color in your face and your personality.

People who stay at home too long start to look like hermits. Their bodies assume there’s no need to look good! You can’t disguise this, just get out of the house and go to fun places, mingle, take long walks.

You hate on others.

Four women standing around in fancy dresses talking.

If you love talking about people behind their back, others will assume you’ll probably do the same to them when they’re not around.

Sure, sometimes people can be jerks and we need to vent that. But if we’re constantly focusing on the negative and complaining about it, nobody’s going to want to be around a sour apple for long.

Last but not least: You’re too mature.

(Note: that doesn’t say immature!)

Heads up VIPs … in the end women want a playful puppy, kind of like a child. Yeah, she’ll love your power, she just doesn’t want you to drone on about it.

And gals, a guy doesn’t want a girl who can’t let her hair down. He wants a partner in crime, not a guidance counselor.

Overly serious people age faster, as our cells respond to our attitude. And while we don’t want to go full-blown immature, young at heart is a blessing.

Be the one who cracks the jokes, or laughs along. Don’t be the one who worries about fine print, who quotes statistics or sweats the trivial. Stay big picture. Stay playful. Stay courageous.

Because it takes courage to be yourself and not conform to how you think others want you to be. If you have to live with yourself, why not be awesome? ?