The Fatal Mistake He Made on the First Date
Meet “Captain Thirsty”
As I sipped a beverage with a date at an outdoor restaurant, I noticed a bizarre glare from a dapper yet thirsty looking dude at a nearby table (thirsty is gen z slang for desperate).
I wasn’t sure what the glare was about.
Hmm, was I dressed too casual for him? Or, maybe he didn’t like how I had my phone out as my date wanted to see something we were discussing.
It didn’t really matter, judging others shows game-lack. A good vibe beats a trendy look in the end.
I let the glare fly past me (and into his karmic bag) and enjoyed my time with the fascinating woman I was with.
Sadly, he was directly in my line of sight and so I couldn’t help but notice his “game.” He was with his friend and two women on what seemed like a quasi-double date (quasi as in almost).
He actually had a lot of superficial boxes checked: fit, good haircut, tan and had the right clothes for someone who took themselves pretty seriously.
It was obvious that he liked one of the women, too obvious, but that was only part of the problem.
He was ignoring her girlfriend and even his own friend as he tried to throw lines her way and flash smiles which, from the recipient’s face, came off thirsty.
All said, ignoring a woman’s bestie is a fatal flaw early in a relationship.
The Greek poet Ovid could have set him straight him in the legendary Art of Love.
Then he would have known that the friend, whether subconsciously or not, will now see him as a danger to the relationship with her friend. Once he’s in, I’m out, she’ll think.
The two women will go off later and talk about the evening, and when that thirsty fellow comes up, it’s not going to go well when the friend taints the encounter as best she can.
A Common Faux Pas
Sometimes we think we have to control social situations. But the best moments often come when we let go, let the flow of other people carry the moment, make eye contact with them, listen to their stories.
At one point, Captain Thirsty used his hand to shield his entire face from the bestie as he said who-knows-what to the woman.
It was awkward and kind of sad because I could tell she wanted him to be cooler. She wanted some wit and wisdom in the package along with the j.Crew catalog look.
All he had to do was include the girlfriend and let go. Smile. Nod. Drink. Everything else was already going his way. Maybe that was his problem, spoiled by comfort and a dose of self-entitlement.
If he made the effort to get along with the friend, his love-interest would’ve been more likely to think, “I can have the best of both worlds here, a boyfriend and a bestie who get along.”
Instead, by ignoring her friend, he sent subconscious signals that he might be rude to others he doesn’t need anything from. “Maybe that’s how he’d treat my mom,” she might wonder.
Anyway, I wished them all the best, and hoped the Captain would eventually find his inner chill enough to quench that thirst.
ps: not only is including everyone in a conversation just good etiquette, it makes the world a happier place.
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