The Mood
Things Men Secretly Do

Things Men Secretly Do

Let’s Take an Honest Peek Under the Hood

First, I love being a man. And I love women. That said, men have become a target in recent years for being born men. Oops.

But does that bother real men? No, we’ve faced worse in our long and torrid history…

We need to celebrate our manliness, not hide from it. But we need to be good men, not dicks. We need to rise to the occasion, not just for ourselves, but for the women who’ve been leveling up for about a hundred years now.

Let’s start by celebrating our commonalities, ranging from funny to startling.

Sometimes, guys really do want to be friends.

Man and woman sharing a drink with another friend, smiling.
Photo by Espolòn Tequila on Unsplash

They say it’s impossible for a guy to “just be friends” with a women he likes. Not true!

You see, guys need women to talk to, because they’re often the only ones men can express true emotions to (without someone laughing or saying “Man up, dude”).

When guys are around each other, we’re allowed to be, well, cool.

And while sometimes the “cool guy code” keeps things on the level, we need that “Female Energy.” It’s easier to go deep with a woman. While Bros usually only go deep if there’s a spiritual dimension.

Men aren’t as sex-crazed as previously thought.

Beautiful woman sitting on rock by rapids.
Adina Voicu

Contrary to a previous study that said men think about sex every seven seconds, a more scientific study shows men think about sex 19 times a day on average, and food 18 times a day.

What about the ladies? The same study showed they were more diverse in their thoughts (surprise, surprise) yet still think about sex 10 times a day and food 15 times a day. Hmm… What fills in those other blanks? Could it be shoes?

Men do cry, or die trying not to.

Hearing a man say they never cry is like a girl saying she never farts. It’s impossible.

Why do guys cry? Joy, a broken heart, because life can be hard … to release pent-up emotions the way only tears can do. Heroes do it too, as do vanquished villains.

If we’re never crying, we’re not truly living. However, men do everything in their power to hide it.

Women are free to use this release anytime, while men contain it like a pressure cooker and wonder why some later explode.

Dudes, let it out, nobody really cares… You might even win over people who see your sensitive side.

Little boy sit on the corner and cry
Big man come and he ask him why
Says I can’t do what the big boys do
Man sat down and he cried too

— Grateful Dead lyrics (*orig credit)

Some men do this “cockeye” thing on each other.

A guy minding his own business might suddenly come in contact with the glare of some random dude. No reason.

It’s like a test, to see if the guy looks away first (passive) or glares back tougher (aggressive). All guys come across this, yet women rarely notice.

When this happens to me, honestly, I just want to bust out laughing.

Anyway, heads up guys: “the glare” may be revealing compensation for a shortcoming.

Otherwise, guys are completely chill together

Men sitting on lawn chairs looking out at a field with guys in the background.
Zach Reiner

Aside from silly stare-downs, guys get along pretty damn well!

The ladies often point this out, sometimes with envy. Guys in a group are more likely to find commonality while ladies often look for faults in each other, especially if one is beautiful and outgoing … guilty until proven innocent.

Men don’t like laziness.

Women hate sloppiness, guys hate laziness. That’s because one of the ultimate accomplishments for a man is to be useful.

Want him to like you? Make him feel useful. But overdoing it will backfire.

There literally are “ass men” and “boob men.”

Many guys will admit they’re naturally more attracted to either a woman’s rear or front. Yeah, we’re getting blunt because you came to learn secrets, not PC silliness.

By being honest about instinctual reactions, we can better evolve (ahem) behavior.

Anyway, the “boob man” is at a serious disadvantage as he’s often caught staring at the “twins” when he should be looking into her beautiful eyes.

Remember bros, you wouldn’t want a woman glaring at your crotch, so be subtle, or don’t look at all if you can’t keep it low key.

Realize women are also checking guys’ chests and butts, they just know how to do it subtly, even playfully.

As for the ass man, he has it easier, as he can glance after she’s already walked by.

“People tell me I’m an ass man. Whenever I walk down the street, people yell it to me: ‘Hey, you’re an ass, man!’” — Rodney Dangerfield

A secret thing that turns men on.

They say if you want to please a woman, compliment her. If you want to please a man, ask him a question.

It’s that simple.

But be sure to make it a smart question. Contrary to popular belief, cool guys don’t enjoy “man-splaining”everything. But asking a guy an intriguing question can stimulate him.

Why? Beyond obvious ego-feeding, it shows a guy you’re interested in his intellect and respect his opinion (kind of like how a woman wants to be treated).

Men want to feel valued, not just for strength but intelligence.
Women want to feel valued, not just for beauty but intelligence.

Guys know women are smarter, but rarely fess up.

Woman reclining on a couch with arms spread out in confidence.
Mateus Campos Felipe

“Believe me, it’s the people that say
That the men are leading women astray
But I say that the women today
Are smarter than the men in every way

That’s right, the women are smarter”

— Grateful Dead lyrics (*orig credit)

While it’s true men have Einstein, Shakespeare and Leonardo da Vinci showing off the smarts off our “gender club,” there’s also a practical, intuitive type of intelligence we often lack…

Men remember how it was usually Mom (or Grandmom) who knew everything about everything. She’s the one everyone brought their problems to, and she’d solve them.

Funny too, how fathers learn from daughters, husbands from wives.

Men seek feminine wisdom when their lives/tribes get tricky.

Men seek other men when going to war or for simulated war (sports/games).

But after the battle, guess where men want to be? Molly’s chamber

And lastly, the games.

Most men know women are smarter in practical arenas, but we love it when ladies give us the illusion that we’re in charge.

And vice versa, even if a guy is a pro in some game, a woman loves it when she somehow manages to “win.”

These are the games without written rules,
The unwritten rules separating men from fools.

UPDATE: Part II of MEN’S SECRETS is here:

And one for the ladies is here: